Muddled, Yowling, Absurd and Silly Scientist (MYASS) has announced the results of a ten year 200 million dollar government sponsored study that reveals that memory and wealth are intertwined.
"Our findings are unprecedented in the scientific world", stated MYASS spokeswoman Sarah Duh. "The people from the lowest economic class could remember what they had the following Tuesday 95 percent of the time while the people from the top 1 percent could remember what they had only 15 percent of the time. The rest of the classes' memory recall of last Tuesday's dinner decreased uniformly from the lowest class to the highest class".
Sarah Duh cited two examples that supported the study's conclusion.
When asked what she had for dinner the previous Tuesday, Billionaire heiress, Suzy Doozy stated: "How the hell am I supposed to remember what I had last Tuesday? Did I have the Bluefy fish with a bottle of Montrenchy wine or did I have Japany Steak with some Dom leave-flave-yada-yada? I mean what do I look like, a calculator?"
When asked what he had the previous Tuesday, destitute Ethiopian 10 year old Abba Starving answered: "I had a piece of 4 week old bread aged in brown dirt full of dark green mold. The bread was sprinkled throughout with fine grains of desert sand and stuffed full of grubs. For desert I had cricket that had been smashed and aged for 2 days in the desert sun and coated with dust. I chased all of this down with a small glass of cloudy water that had a slight taste of anthrax".
"As a matter of fact, I have been having this same meal for the last 8 years except on days when the food convoy gets hijacked by armed guerillas. On those days I have 2 million year old aged dirt covered in 2 million year old aged dirt. The water is always the same. Unless of course there is a draught in which cases I have a glass of 2 million year old dirt with a rock in it".
MYASS is a world not so renowned group of upper class twits appointed by members of Congress and the White House who petition the US government to grant them millions of dollars to perform scientific studies that have no scientific, social or financial benefits except to waste tax payer's money and start businesses in China.
"This just proves what we in Congress have been trying to tell everyone all along", argued a crying Ohio Senator Joe Boehner. "Money is bad for people. People shouldn't have money. Just look at what it is doing to the wealthy. Oh, God, if everyone would just give their money to the very wealthy this country would be so much better off".