Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 18 January 2012

image for Chuck Norris to Represent Chuck Norris Party in Bid for Presidency
"I'm Chuck Norris and YOU approve of this message"

Following what many believe to be examples of ridiculous and juvenile leadership styles from the Republican candidates on the debate trail as well as from the Democrats in Washington, Chuck Norris has decided to take the U.S. Presidency in 2013. No elections are reportedly necessary.

According to his campaign and advisory team which includes Tony Stark and Clark Kent, Norris is assured victory, "because nobody would dare run against him", says Kent who also admits to wearing Chuck Norris pajamas.

With an impressive biography that actually required the crafting of the original definition for the word "biography", Chuck Norris's impact on our lives is hard to fathom. With physics bound by the laws of Chuck Norris, and a penchant for technology that made him a founding father of telecommunications among other things, Norris enriches the lives of everyone he allows to live. When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he apparently had three messages waiting from Chuck Norris. When Norris decided to experiment with space travel, he invented NASA but only after traveling to 3 galaxies. Norris is the reason why there is no life on other planets.

Norris's age also comes into question, though nobody in their right mind would question his age. Ghosts have reportedly been seen around campfires telling Chuck Norris stories, and the Angel of Death admits to having near Chuck Norris experiences. Some say Chuck Norris has been dead for 20 years, but Death is afraid to tell him.

"A candidate that can cut through a hot knife with butter, and never needs to flush the toilet because he scares the crap out of it, well, that's the kind of President we need", says Stark. "No goofy red metal suit required".

Citizens of the U.S. seem to agree, mostly because Chuck Norris told them to. Expect to see Chuck Norris on the campaign trail debating himself, because nobody else is foolish enough to disagree with him.


(Props and Credits to the Chuck Norris Fun Facts website)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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