Washington,D.C.-Newly released school transcripts reveal that future President Barracks Obama had majored in...Dish Washing. The transcripts, obtained from Columbia University's School of Culinary Arts, were the subject of a long, hard fought battle by Mr. Obama, who tried to keep their contents secret.
The transcripts read more like a list of low crimes and misdemeanors rather than a summary of scholarly accomplishments. They also explain why Mr. Obama eventually went into politics instead of pursuing a career in the restaurant industry.
A particularly stinging excerpt from one transcript suggests that Mr. Obama would be better served by becoming a roofer. It goes on to say: "His feeble attempts at removing dried-on food are marginal at best and show the utter disinterest of this student toward his chosen field."
When asked to comment, Chief White house Chef, Earl Scheib declined, adding that: "Let's just say (that) Mr. Obama will never be a member of the Clean Plate Club."