Written by Draconian Clown
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Topics: Media, Senator

Wednesday, 15 February 2006

image for Minor News Skipped by Major Media
Not Major News

For the first time since the start of CNN's 24 hour, "second or third hand" news coverage began in 1980, a minor news event has gone unmentioned in the major media. The event, involving a possible defect in Senator Clinton's control top pantyhose, received coverage only in an Idaho grocery store circular. Here is a small exert of the minor story:

"…I heard laughing and turned to see Senator Clinton's control top pantyhose falling from the golf cart…"

The rest of the story contained more information but it was just as minor. Major media outlets declined to comment on their reason for suppressing the story but all maintain their decision had nothing to do with political affiliations.

The coverage of minor news became most widespread in the 24-hour news coverage prevalent on 80s cable television. In the beginning, 24-hour news ran the same 15-minute news segment in a continuous loop so audiences might see the same news story 96 times a day. Today's 24-hour news adds new stories on a constant basis to provide variety. The problem is, according to the few remaining interested critics, the news of 96 different daily stories has become boring because of irrelevant, minor content.

News outlets tried various tactics to create interest in their boring stories. Placing media personalities in dangerous situations, popularized by news dramatist Geraldo Rivera, is now tired and boring. The manufactured polarization in politics was a mainstay in boring news and media outlets chased boring political stories with a psychotic fervor.

Under the old system of reporting boring political news, Senator Clinton's control top pantyhose story would have been front-page news. Reporters would have been choking her press secretary for nauseatingly minor details:

"Why were Senator Clinton's pantyhose in a golf cart? Why was someone laughing? Were they laughing at the implied sexual or the corpulent implications of her control top pantyhose?"

Joe Lockhart, who was President Bill Clinton's press secretary and a member of the "old school" of boring news purveyors, told the Los Angeles Times Monday, "On the face of it, this looks like something the administration felt the public had no right to know. I don't think there's going to be a bunch of people sitting around saying: 'I wonder why they waited to tell us.' But what they will be saying is: 'I wonder what else they're not telling us.'"

Lockhart's comments show how current boring news can be used to project future boring news by implying the suppression of secret boring news in a sort of boring conspiracy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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