A flock of over 9,000 angry quails attacked former Vice President Dan Quayle at his Phoenix home late Monday. Experts think that the quails, outraged at attempts by a U.S. Vice President to slay one of their own made a wrong turn somewhere around Fort Worth and wound up not at the residence of Vice President Dick Chaney but at the Arizona home of Dan Quayle. Quayle in "stable condition" at Todd Memorial Hospital with less than 200 non-fatal quail bites recalled the attack telling reporters,
Secret Service agents in Washington are now on full level-5 military alert having increased security at Dick Chaney's home by a factor of 10. One agent told reporters,
"From the news videos of the Arizona attack those quails appear to be unhappy campers. If they SHOULD happen to find their way here to Washington we will be ready for them .. WITH rocket propelled grenades and low-grade tactical nukes if necessary. Those birds will NOT not harm the Vice President."
Dick Cheney upon hearing the news about Dan Quayle cut short his visit with his dying Texas hunting partner who he shot in the heart last week with bb's and flew to Phoenix to visit Dan Quayle in his Intensive Care Unit.
Discovery Channel animal expert Daniel Sikes explained,
"Quails are extremely territorial creatures. They look out for their own, kind of like humans do. If one member of their family is attacked, they seek bloody vengeance, payback and revenge .. just like their human counterparts do."
Sikes went on to add,
"Apparently all the quails knew is that "A" vice president of the United States attacked one of their own. They immediately set out to extract bloody retribution and vengeance only, they attacked the wrong vice president."
President Bush, briefed briefly by FEMA about the possible Washington quail attack assured DC citizens that the tasty fowls would not prevail. Speaking with reporters he said,
"Just because Dick shot at one of them critters now they wanna take over the world with their beaks of mass destruction. That ain't gonna happen. We may not be able to take out Bin Laden but gall durned if we don't take out them quails."
Sources say that Dick Cheney has been outfitted in full quail hunting gear and made an honorary backup National Guardsman, in the event that the unthinkable does occur and the quails .. arrive.