PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island - Ron Paul still excited from placing second in the New Hampshire Caucus was all smiles as he celebrated with his wife and campaign team at the local Princess Pawtucket Pizza Parlor.
As Ron sat at a booth with his wife of 54 years, Carolyn, he reflected on his life as a gynecologist. Paul told Sinclair Petaluma of Political Salad Bar Magazine that he personally delivered over 4,000 babies.
He then shy glanced over at his wife, grinned, and added, that he had also seen and touched over 13,000 female (blanks). Carolyn immediately hollered out "Ronnie hon, did you forget that you promised me that you would stop telling people that."
She paused for a moment and said, "I mean I don't mind you saying that you delivered 4,000 babies, but I am starting to get kinda pissed off at you feeling that you have to always mention that you have looked at and touched over 13,000 hooha's (crotch cookies).
"Sorry babe," Ron remarked, "I know, I just forget sometimes when I get all happy and giddy inside you know kinda like when you and I are alone in our bed and you tell me that my winky wonk (diddly dipper) is bigger than Ashton Kutcher's."
Petaluma seeing that Mrs. Paul was now as red as a Fayetteville, North Carolina fire truck quickly changed the subject.
"Ah tell me Mr. Paul, what is all of this talk I hear about you having something in your possession that you say could prevent Mitt Romney from capturing the Republican presidential nomination."
Paul put down his piece of Double Mushroom Pizza and his bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper and said that he was as right as a dadgum right angle.
Petaluma asked him to please explain. And the 76-year-old Texan said that he recently received some photos that had been FedExed to him which clearly show Mitt Romney sitting at a picnic table at The Brigham Young City Park in Provo, Utah underneath a banner that reads, Welcome to the Annual Mormon Guys With Multiple Wives Picnic Mixer.
When Paul was asked if he had the photos with him he told Petaluma that he had them safely hidden back at his home in Lake Jackson, Texas in his wife's girdle drawer.
Paul says that he wants to meet with Mitt Romney as soon as possible to show him the half dozen revealing photos and see if he can convince him to go ahead and drop out of the race before the photos are sold to one of the supermarket tabloids.
Ron Paul told Sinclair Petaluma to be sure and mention that the rumor that he takes a Viagra pill daily is false. He said that unlike two of his fellow GOP presidential candidates he has never in his life had to take one of the little blue pills.