Written by jd Balderdash
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Monday, 13 February 2006

image for Dick Cheney Tazers President Bush's Dog Barney
Barney. Wrong place, wrong time

"Reach for the sky Barney" Dick Cheney jokingly told the President's Terrier before pulling the trigger on what Cheney thought to be a toy Star Trek phaser.

aides report the President saying before Barney was stunned with 50,000 volts emanating from the M-18L tazer fired by the Vice President causing Barney to actually REACH for the sky .. with all four paws, Barney flat on his back in the middle of the White House lawn gasping for breath.

The Electro-Muscular Disruption (EMD) Tazer does indeed resemble older model "phaser" props used in the original Star Trek series starting William Shatner as Captain James T Kirl. Cheney fresh off the heels of another accidental shooting said,

"I'm sorry. I thought it was a toy. Barney and I play games like that all the time. I told Barney to reach for the sky, he didn't so I fired. Only .. the darned thing really did fire. I'm sorry Barney."

Doctors at the Washington Animal Hospital say that Barney is stable condition, able to open his eyes, wag his tail and yap for Kibbles 'N Bits when his tummy feels empty. Cheney visited Barney at the animal hospital before heading to South Texas to visit his other friend who he also shot during a hunting trip.

Congress is tentatively considering passing an emergency bill prohibiting Vice President Cheney from even holding any device remotely resembling a weapon, even if it's only a pop gun or a "sharp stick".

President Bush sent Air Force One to pick up his daughters, "The Bush twins" and brought them to Washington to visit Barney in the animal hospital. Jenna with hot chicken soup for Barney told reporters visiting the disabled Terrier,

"Barney's never been tazered before. Barb did spill hot Ovaltene on him one time when we were little but Barney's a trooper, he'll pull out of this just fine. If Uncle Cheney doesn't blast him again."

Cornerstone Security Inc, maker of the M-18L tazer say that Barney was lucky. One representative said,

"Tazers have been known to kill fully grown men. Barney received the gun's full 50,000 volt jolt-age.

The representative went on to explain,

"It's a good thing that the Vice President only nicked him on the tail otherwise Barney's fur might have caught fire, his eyeballs blown out of their sockets and all the blood in his veins superheated to a temperature of 257 degrees Fahrenheit before exploding into a million flaming pieces of fried Terrier flesh all over the White House lawn."

President Bush told Vice President Cheney to "take the week off", perhaps collect his thoughts, relax, maybe do a little hunting or fishing, the President immediately catching himself and going,

"Uh, I mean, FISHING Dick. Fishing's good."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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