Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Republicans

Monday, 9 January 2012

image for Republican Candidates In Speedo Bikinis For Next Debate

In an attempt to reach higher ratings for the next Republican debate, handlers decided that the candidates wear Speedo bikini bottoms.

Hearing this proposition, Mitt Romney nervously crossed and uncrossed his legs, calling it a strange decision. The man on dog candidate asked whether he could wear a sweater vest, but was told he would have to remain bare-nipple for the debate. Ron Paul said he was ripped for it. Claiming to have a body like a wash board, Paul insisted he does a thousand sit-ups every morning and runs a half marathon on a thread-mill every night.

The Texas governor, stamped his foot five times, "I can only manage five sit-ups." But agreed to wearing the bikini, mumbling something about his nation's calling.

Jon Huntsman was okay with the idea. "I can speak Chinese, and like Asha in the film Outsourced, (which I was also as Ambassador to China) I can do anything!"

Newton Leroy Gingrich balked. He was having none of it, overheard to say: History and civilization, through the years, never dismissed the solid cloth navy suit for events of this nature, and the American people do not have a burning desire to view this form of experimentalism perpetrated during the next debate for the sake of higher ratings.

The Texas governor slid his foot in a question mark.

He said he's fat.

Ron Paul whispered, "On his third wife, he should have a body like Fabio."

The handlers added that they would also have to wear high heels. Romney fainted. The man on dog candidate protested, saying this would be man on heels and his church would never approve.

The Pope tweeted that he wanted a front row seat.

Ron Paul announced he could perform an Irish River dance in four inch heels. The Texas governor said he would wear his two inch cowboy boots and Jon Huntsman assured, "I can do anything..."

"The American people don't want to see Gingrich in a bikini wearing high heels."

Forget the bikini, said handlers, with your belly hanging over it, the American people will never see the bikini.

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