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Monday, 9 January 2012

image for US Media Declares Obama Winner of 2012 Election
White House: "Tea Party B*tches thought 2010 was funny? Four years of payback is coming"

NEW YORK - Liberal Media outlets in the US have proudly proclaimed Obama's victory in the 2012 Presidential Election. Attorney General Eric Holder quickly certified the voting results and congratulated President Obama on his "Landslide Victory."

Republicans in Congress quickly objected, saying that the President should at least wait until October before declaring the win. In response, Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan issued a statement that all legal requirements had been met, citing The Commerce Clause, Federal Supremacy, and preemption. David Axelrod (Democrat Strategist) taunted the GOP by saying "you snooze - you lose!"

A few hours later, the Soros funded think-tank "Center for American Progress" published a white paper which explained "The Post-2008 Election Process" by referencing the bills passed while Democrats held Super-Majority power over the US Government. While most of the article is convoluted and tedious with phrases like "suspension of habeas corpus," the sections titled "Buying Elections" and "The Chicago Way" are vividly clear, using many historical examples from US politics. The corruption of Tammany Hall in New York was briefly described as "a nice effort," but one analyst believes it to be a subjective statement from a Chicago contributor claiming his city as being "the most corrupt on Earth."

Top Democrats are congratulating themselves on the triumph of the Political Establishment, propaganda driven media, and the worst educational system in the industrial world. Washington insiders are especially proud of removing Newt Gingrich from the Virginia ballot by making a procedural change in October 2011 and invalidating 1500 signatures on petitions. Another favorite was the unrelenting smear campaign against Herman Cain, where allegations of "extreme" sexual harassment got 24-hour media coverage but were "not important enough" for any courtroom. One of the accusers from Chicago gave "her side of the story" (after assurances that she could not be charged with Perjury).

Ginger La'bia (neighbor of David Axelrod, one prior Libel conviction): It was at a Pizza Convention, and Mr. Cain sexually molested me on the podium while speaking to almost a hundred people. That's when I told him to stop, and I demanded that he take me to his car and drive us to a motel. I asked my lawyer if I could get a lot more money from Mr. Cain by claiming he chopped my feet off, but we didn't go to court because of something about wearing six-inch stiletto heels on the witness stand would not impress a jury in the right way.

Some legal experts from Harvard have argued that having a Presidential election in 2012 is unfair discrimination against Obama because the US Constitution does not explicitly state "four Earth years" (and therefore the orbital period of any celestial object around any known star may be used). For example, the Saturn year is 10,759 days, which would put the end of President Obama's first term in the year 2126.

Normally, Conservative organizations such as the CATO Institute, Heritage.org, and National Review Online respond quickly to actions which may violate US Constitutional Law. However, news that Obama will be President until 2016 (and possibly beyond) has resulted in talk about the "Fundamental Transformation" of US Government, but no official statements.

Under the Obama Administration, words used in the US Constitution and US Law have changed meaning under the Judicial Theory of "Living Constitution." For example, the word "terrorism" has no definition - but the President may use a secret (non-military) tribunal to abduct and indefinitely detain American citizens "suspected of terrorism." Other "fuzzy" or "living" words include:


  • War - As Nobel Peace Prize Winner, bombing the sovereign nation of Libya did not constitute an Act of War.
  • Recess - Executive Orders may retroactively declare Congress as "Closed" to allow "Recess Appointments" (Czars) without the consent of Congress.
  • Marriage - Now combines several terms such as "polygamy", "pedophilia", "zoophilia" (bestiality), sex-slave harem, and sodomized gimp to nullify the 5000 year-old definition for social union of one man and one woman.
  • Reform - A brazen violation of Constitutional Law. (Technically, politicians have used this term as a day-to-day practice since "The Big Lie" in 1930's Germany.)
  • Democracy - (from Stalinist dictionary) "The people who cast the votes don't decide an election, the people who count the votes do."

Jay Carney (White House Press Secretary): First, I want everyone to stop acting surprised. You KNOW the GOP planned to lose in 2008 with that TOTALLY insane choice of making Sarah Palin the Vice President. We had journalists under constant orders to Black-Out anything Joe Biden said, but we finally started locking Joe in a basement because of the crazy, brainless crap he was saying. Obama proudly said "under my plan - energy prices would necessarily skyrocket." He had a book where he bragged about "hanging out with Marxists" and doing drugs.... Day after day of making millions of Americans forget that stuff ruined some very expensive Alien Brain-Wipe devices.

Reporters at the White House press release say Carney seemed more relaxed than usual. In recent weeks, the Press Secretary's treatment of journalists had been described as "combative," but with re-election worries in the past, quiet smiles and an occasional "could be worse" were the official response to inquiries on unemployment, billions of dollars wasted on "Green Projects" with political connections, ignoring Constitutional Law by making appointments without consent of Congress, gutting the US Military while Iran makes threats to disrupt world oil supplies, Federal agencies stifling jobs with thousands of revenue-killing regulatory mandates, or completely blocking construction projects by insisting on "more government studies," and Federal agencies' refusal to explain or investigate the "disappearance" of Trillions of taxpayer dollars.

Voting results were announced to the press in percentages, "give or take a few million votes."


  • 38% - Obama (aka. "Dear Leader")
  • 20% - Ron Paul plus "Americans Elect" Party (formed by 2008 Obama supporter, "anonymously" funded, and tax-exempt)
  • 10% - Ballot Disputes, Dept of Justice Injunctions and Lawsuits against South Carolina and other states.
  • 32% - GOP Candidate

To "avoid misunderstandings," Carney reminded the press that the President has the RIGHT to detain any American indefinitely, and that secret FEMA Camps (technically "National Responder Support Camps") may be used by the Dept of Homeland Security (DHS) as directed by the President.

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