Manchester, New Hampshire - Newt Gingrich, shaken by his fourth place finish in the Iowa Caucus, requested that all of the candidates appearing Saturday night at Saint Anselms appear sans clothing so that Mitt Romney would not gain an unfair advantage over the rest of the GOP hopefuls.
"Enough is enough," pleaded the owlish former Speaker of the House. "Mr. Romney looks presidential, has more money than God, and now I understand he want's to wear his lucky Mormon underwear during the debate."
"That's BULLSHIT and you know it!" he said to the befuddled Diane Sawyer. Along with George Stephanopolis, she will be asking the perplexing questions in this debate scheduled Saturday night in primetime on ABC.
Asked by the comely Sawyer if she and George should also be nude during the telecast that may help decide how New Hampshire voters cast their ballots next Tuesday, Gingrich responded, "Yeh, you bet yours ass! If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander."
"Do you understand that Mormons never take their underwear off, even while bathing?
"Yeah," replied Gingrich. The last time I stood next to Romney he was so gamey my eyes were watering. I'm a Catholic, you know. If I did something like that, I would be excommunicated."
See you Saturday night live and nude at Saint Anselms.
*Another Dr. Billingssgate election report.