NEW YORK - Eccentric billionaire Don Trump, disgusted with the outcome of the Iowa caucus and the quality of the GOP candidates currently contesting for the opportunity to run against President Barack Obama, announced today that he had closed escrow for the outright purchase of the State of New Hampshire.
Given the option of buying the Republican Party or purchasing The Granite State, he decided that, "because of the intrinsic land value of New Hampshire and the inherent worthlessness of the Republican Party, my choice was a no brainer."
Just recently, Mr. Trump severed his affiliation with the Republican Party and registered as an Independent in his home state of New York. After personally interviewing most of the viable GOP hopefuls and finding them wanting, The Donald suggested that unless a suitable candidate rises to the gravitas level the demanding Trumpster requires, he would leave the party and run as a Third Party candidate.
Upon gaining ownership title to the state, his first action was to notify Democrat Governor John Lynch that he was "fired." He then called the Rector of Saint Anselms in Manchester and told him to padlock the doors because Trump was cancelling the Saturday night GOP debate to be held there, "so that the football fans of America could watch the NFL playoff game that evening without distraction."