Miami, Florida - Evolutionists could not contain their excitement when a paper and ink factory exploded today, inadvertently creating an entire, accurate dictionary in its wake.
Miami Paper and Ink Inc. exploded for unknown reasons. As hundreds watched the debris settle, they were startled to witness the paper stack itself as it fell and the falling ink form words on each sheet.
"It was amazing," says William Miller, 34, a local janitor and evolutionist. "The paper gathered in the air and fluttered perfectly to the earth and the ink settled in just the right places. I saw the dictionary myself. It was perfect. It even had a reference page and an index."
Evolutionists have been trying for years to prove their theory. But many questions have been raised as to how complex life could come about by accident. That theory has been proven true.
"It's about time," said Doctor Thomas Herring, a biologist at UCLA. "This is a proud, proud day for those of us who want to believe in evolution because if we believed in a god then that would mean we would have to answer to someone greater than us and change our lives, meaning science is not god and we have to do what someone else says. We don't want to answer to anyone. Now we know we don't. It's just a proud day."
One evolutionist, scientist Richard Gillian, said he believed in God and that God simply got "the ball of evolution rolling."
"I tried to prove the theory, too," stated Gillian. "I laid my kid's clothes out on our staircase and then pushed him down the stairs, hoping he would fall into his clothes on the way down. It, uh…It didn't work."
Gillian is up for parole in ten years.
Evolutionist, however, remain hopeful that other explosions will occur in other factories. Meat packing plants that accidentally creates Big Macs. Steel plants that explode and create a Porche 911 Turbo and a Victoria's Secret plant that will blow up, creating the hottest model of all time.
"We can always keep our finger crossed," says Herring.