In a shock move from Washington, it has been announced that the US military will be strictly rationed to fighting one war at a time for the foreseeable future.
The reason given was that in the current dire economic climate, the USA can no longer afford to export violence overseas, when it may become necessary to utilise it closer to home.
Like with the Occupy Wall Street Protests.
Or anybody else who actually talks sense without directly aiming a gun at a political opponent. And shooting them dead.
It appears that, having studied Victorian Britain and the Roman Empire, some American historians have advised the Pentagon that simply believing you're still the most powerful nation on earth because that's what you were fifty years ago, no longer cuts the mustard.
And it doesn't matter how powerful your rhetoric may be, or how strong your traditions, if your only defence against Chinese industrial output, the mineral wealth of Africa and South America and the Russian oil and gas baron billionaire oligarchs is that you've got Wal-Mart, Apple and McDonald's then you're probably on a sticky wicket.
Political analysts lay the blame fairly and squarely on outsourcing, a tactic used to cut back on labor costs, in a purely fiscally driven attempt to maximise profit margins. American jobs appeared to be redistributed around the globe by patriotic American captains of industry, to everybody except patriotic Americans. And the military appear to be following that example. The resultant loss in tax dollar income has been described as 'apocalyptic' - although that's probably just somebody stretching a point to breaking point.
It's now been decided by Congress that anybody the US wishes to declare war on will be placed on a waiting list, and that such moves won't be given clearance until such time as a previous conflict has been concluded.
It appears that the US simply can't afford warmongering any longer, it's just too expensive.
Anybody wishing to declare war on the US should call 555-5555 and press the hash key on option four - at which point they will be placed in line and made to listen to old Frank Sinatra tracks until such time as an operator becomes available.
But first, a word from our sponsor...