Washington - Republicans and Democrats announced today that they would be meeting by the swing sets at recess to "solve their differences" once and for all - and "no fair telling teacher!"
"You're dead at recess!" said Obama, pointing an accusing finger at Republicans.
"Oh, yeah?" Republican Mitch McConnell was reported to retort. "I'm gonna' smash your goofy face in!"
Both parties agreed that striking opponents with books and thick manila folders full of notes was "for sissies," and that anyone caught doing it was "dead meat."
"I'm gonna' pound ol' goofy-ears all the way back to Arabia," said McConnell. "Or, Africa, or wherever he's from."
Obama quickly allowed surrounding friends to grab his arms as he pretended to try and break away to get at McConnell - all the while yelling, "You wanna' piece of this? Huh? You wanna' piece of me? You're lucky that chair's in the way!" At that, McConnel moved the chair. Obama stated, "Well...that pencil on the ground! I could trip over it. You're lucky that pencil's there, McDorkal! Come on, guys! Hold my arms tighter! Geez!"
Obama stated that he was still upset at McConnell for giving him "a royal wedgie" in the Whitehouse bathroom, and wet-willies while both men waited in the lunch line for their milk.
"How can you not give those ears wet-willies?" asked McConnell. With that, all his buddies laughed.
"We'll solve this at recess," Obama stated. "You're dead! You are so dead!"