Written by Mudwizard
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Topics: North Korea

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

As North Korea comes to terms with the loss of its "Dear Leader", the shadowy figure of "the Great Successor", his son Kim Jong Mark II has begun to emerge.

Young Kim Jong II only appeared with his father on live television for the first time last October, clapping and saluting thousands of goose-stepping soldiers at a military parade as he dribbled on dad's sleeve.

Although Kim Jong II was made a four-star general last year, he is not thought to have any military experience; although it has been reported that he has seen Apocalypse Now over two hundred times and that he owns a camouflaged romper suit. This gives rise to concerns that he may wish to prove himself with a military act against another country. The third son of Kim Jong I, Kim Jong II is believed to be around 3 years old. Until recently he lived with his mother, Mum Kim Jong in Switzerland where he lived under the pseudonym of "Jong the Dong" while at the International Nursery of Berne; where he pretended to be the illigitamate son of Gok Wan and Yoko Ono.

Described as another shy, uncommunicative schizoid, psychopathic nutter-bastard; whose first words were, "I love the smell of napalm in the morning". He was known at the Berne Nursery for pulling the heads off dolls and biting the other children's knees. In particular he displayed a fascination for 'looking weird and staring wistfully into the middle distance' like his father did. He is a big fan of Garry Glitter and Johnathan King and lists his hobbies as strangling animals and collecting human body parts that people are still using. Not much else is known about his time at nursery.

Aside from what is known about his nursery and questionable military pursuits, the younger Kim is also an unexpected fashion guru in his country. His short-square haircut - dubbed the "Dickhead" - is widely copied by young men in Pyongyang. However, he is yet to make a significant impact in either his own country or on the global stage. It is feared that now his father is no longer around he may throw his toys out of his pram; these consist of one of the biggest armies in the world and a huge nuclear arsenal.

Although he has been selected by the country's officials as the next leader, it remains to be seen if he can retain the firm grip his father had over the country, and most importantly, just simply act weird.

Gok Wan was unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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