Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 18 December 2011

image for Penn State University In An Effort To Combat All of The Recent Bad Publicity Lowers It's Semester Tuition Fee to $7
The Keystone Group To Protect Our Youth has strongly suggested that boys from 6 to 16 stay away from the Penn State Campus.

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pennsylvania - It is no secret that the University of Penn State has really taken a beating in the media lately due to the countless alleged unbelievable actions of former football coach Jerry Sandusky.

And on top of those allegations the fact that former head coach Joe Paterno and other adults seemed to just casually look the other way even made the entire sordid situation just that much more sickeningly astounding.

Gazebo Serengeti of Bedroom Pillow Talk recently met with Calhoun "Lips" Lippalino, a spokesperson for the university.

Mr. Lippalino stated that the football scandal has definitely rocked the entire nation and caused a tremendous amount of negative ill-will toward Penn State University.

He stated that the school administrators are extremely troubled by the vast amounts of jokes about Penn State that spew forth from the mouths of late night talk show hosts and other satire and parody writers on a daily basis.

One joke that Lippalino said he heard stand up comedian Zydeco Dupree mention on one of the talk shows is that there is talk that Penn State University may be changing its name to Ped State University.

Other jokes include the one about the local McDonald's doing away with the kids happy meal Puss N Boots toy and replacing it with an official Officer John Pike Mini-Pepper Spray Decanter toy which can be used against football coaches who think that it is cute to shower with young, underage boys.

The joke that the school's president found especially offensive was the one where the football teams colors will be changed from dark royal blue and white to black and white stripes in honor of coach Jerry "Pen-Bound" Sandusky.

But Penn State's head of the Home Economics Department Dr. Mildred "Muffin" Ticklefish stated "There is really nothing that the university can do about it and comedians all over America are free to write and say whatever jokes they want to say including the one about Penn State lowering the football participation age down to 16."

Mr. Lippalino has said that the university dean and the university president met with several highly respected alumni and they have devised a plan to combat the recent bad publicity that the university has received due to the unbelievably irresponsible actions of a few members on the university staff.

One idea which everyone agreed-upon unanimously is that the university in an attempt to show the American people that they want to move forward will be the lowering the tuition fee down to $7 per semester.

Another thing that the university will be implementing is that the price of meals in all campus cafeterias will be reduced by 90%.

Also every college book in any campus bookstore will cost 10 cents regardless if the book is 80 pages in length or 800 pages in length.

Mr. Lippalino noted that hopefully with these changes the sun will once again shine upon Penn State University.

SIDENOTE: Bedroom Pillow Talk is presently investigating alleged allegations that are currently circulating on campus that the Nittany Lion mascot had also been caught in the Penn State locker room showering with coach Jerry Sandusky.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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