Washington, DC - In an unprecedented move, Republicans and Democrats have rallied behind the introduction of the Commemorative Humbug Fish Currency Program. Just in time for the holidays, Americans will be able to use the Humbug Dascyllus in lieu of the $5.00 bill.
The US Congress rarely agrees on anything lately. One thing that they all seem to be in agreement with, however, is the success of fish currency. After the two-month trial period of using mackerel as currency in Maine, Washington has finally found something to rally behind. The Treasury Department announced the fish currency would begin throughout the United States Monday, December 19th.
The American public has been assured that stores and restaurants will still take paper currency as the public gets used to storing and carting around portable cooler/wallets full of fish currency.
Top economists are in support of the new currency initiative as well. Leon Jones, president of Economists for a Brighter and More Economically Sound Future, predicts that the grim economy that plagues the United States will begin to turn around as more Americans embrace fish as currency. He states that since fresh fish don't have a long shelf life, Americans will be forced to spend quicker. There will be less debating. America will go back to spending more and saving less.
Ecologists and environmentalists have been in protest of the Fish Currency Initiative since it's infancy. With the addition of the Humbug fish, they are even more vocal in their protests, as the Humbug fish lives in coral reefs off of Asia and feed off of zooplankton. It's feared that if the Humbug disappear due to their being used as coinage, then the zooplankton will overtake the reefs, leading to the destruction to the fragile reef ecosystem.
Says Jones, "Bah. Humbugs play only a minor part in ocean society. Besides, a bad day of shopping with fish currency is better than a good day without fish currency."