Written by K.C. Bell
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Tuesday, 13 December 2011

image for Newt Gingrich Replaces Herman Cain As Front Runner - This Month

Trice married Newton Leroy Gingrich is replacing Herman Cain both as the front runner of the Republican presidential nomination and in the ladies department. As yet, no ladies have stepped forward claiming extensive courtship, flowers, Tiffany gifts, serenades by string quartets or mariachi bands from Mr. Gingrich.

"Nine, nine, nine! Nine more and you'll have one short of a baker's dozen." Like Gingrich needed taunting by his former opponent.

The 'until death do us part' issue was raised during Rick Perry's reply in the last debate. The entire nation collectively holds its breath whenever Perry launches into a statement. The map of the country seems to cinch in at the waist from San Francisco to D.C., "Lord, let him get through the sentence, "

Perry began, "If you cheat on your wife, you'll cheat on your business partner." Nationwide silent prayer as it cautiously exhales. "So I think the issue of fidelity is important." Amen, he made it. Whew.

Though cut at the knees, even Mr. Gingrich seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. He shrugged indifferently, saying: So I've made mistakes...I'm also a 68 year old grandfather.

Seems that places him in the same company as Warren Beatty, Josef Stalin and Caligula.

Television camera flashed to the face of the current Mrs. Gingrich, she with the adoring 'I love that man' look in her eyes.

At the same debate, Michele Bachmann confessed to being 55 years old and having worked for 50 years. Really? Amazing! Was she in one of Newt Gingrich's child labor camps at age 5? But, she also wished Elvis Presley a happy birthday and said the U.S. should remove its embassy from Iran. Elvis is deceased, and the U.S. embassy has been out of Iran for over thirty years.

Mitt Romney kept smiling throughout the debate; Botox in reverse. He attempted a $10 thousand dollar wager with Rick Perry. Son of 'Brain Washed' has taken himself out of the presidential race with the '$10 Thousand' bet.

"Should have made it $9.99."

Time to call in one of Newt's mariachi bands.

Smile, there's a year to go.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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