A Los Angeles, California man who had not been to a movie theater for 25 years completely lost it this afternoon after the first two hours of previews that were shown before the feature presentation.
Jerry Berserker just simply flipped out when he went to see the Muppet Movie only to be inundated with preview after preview. It was somewhere during the preview of the latest Toy Story movie, which appeared to last for 10 days, that Mr. Berserker grabbed a ladder from a storage room which he used to climb up onto the big screen and started pepper spaying Buzz Lightyear. Unfortunately, due to Mr. Berserker's ignorance, the pepper spray had no affect on Buzz Lightyear as he was wearing a space helmet.
Maybe he should have been a bit smarter and pepper sprayed the cowboy because the cowboy and slew of other characters from the Toy Story movie immediately jumped out of the big screen and locked Mr. Berserker up in an empty box of Lincoln Logs.
Or so they thought.
It appears the box of Lincoln Logs was not completely empty as several of the logs had managed to hide there to keep from being the sucker on the bottom of the next log cabin that some evil kid was going to build. Although it is rumored that the real reason the rogue Lincoln Logs were hiding in the box is due to the fact they too were tired of the endless string of previews.
Mr. Berserker escaped with the help of the rogue Lincoln Logs and immediately started pepper spraying the concession stand attendant and stole all of the concession stand's buttered popcorn. To show his generosity for the Lincoln Logs help, Mr. Berserker gave each of the rogue Lincoln Logs a large cup of buttered popcorn. He would have given them a hotdog each except for the fact that the hotdogs really, really sucked.
Fortunately for the movie theater the Muppet Movie started just in time for Miss Piggy to come out of the big screen and whack Mr. Berserker before he got away.
Unfortunately for the movie theater, Miss Piggy kept whacking everybody in sight including the theater's security which allowed Mr. Berserker to collect himself and make a clean getaway.
Mr. Berserker hailed a cab just two blocks away and demanded to be taken to a theater that was showing the Muppet Movie. The cabbie promptly brought him back to the theater which he just left and the police immediately arrested him.
Mr. Berserker is now being held in the city jail where he will be entertained tonight with the Muppet Movie which will be shown after 200 previews of upcoming movies.