Written by Lyndon
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Friday, 9 December 2011

image for 'If you're running for President, don't have sex--if you do, have it with your wife', Cain
Cain advocates a lot of lying around by yourself if you're gonna run for office.

ATLANTA - In the days after his announcement that he was suspending his run for President, Herman Cain has done some soul searching regarding his conduct in the years leading up to his 15 minutes in the limelight.

"I shouldn't have ever had sex with those women who let me," said the 66-year-old from Memphis, Tennessee. "Nor should I have tried with all those women who turned me down.

"When you're a high-profile politician, you really should avoid sex at all costs.

Cain was accused by Sharon Bialek of making sexual advances toward her some 14 years ago. Ginger White one-upped Bialek by claiming that she and Cain had carried on as lovers for 13 years.

"If you absolutely have to have sex," Cain told a group of seven former supporters in the parking lot of a Publix grocery store, "then make it with your wife. Granted, that becomes less and less appealing as the years role on, but if you don't, you're bound to run into problems.

"Just look at moi."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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