Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Addiction

Wednesday, 1 February 2006

image for President Bush Admits Being Addicted to Oil
Bush gourged out of his GULL on 10W40

Quaker State, 2nd largest producer of refined motor oil acknowledged that yes, President Bush is indeed addicted to it's Synthetic Blend 10-W-40 motor vehicle lubricant. Inside sources say that President Bush's longtime secret addiction causes him to consume over 2 cases of "Texas Tea" per week.

"Gurgle".

"Gurgle".

To those who have not tasted pure 100-grade motor oil, doctors and physicians say that "Gurgle" IS the sound that oil junkies involuntarily make when attempting swallow 2 quarts of Penzoil with a paper funnel.

"The body just does not LIKE that", one White House physician explained going on to say,

"Anytime you pour a highly toxic petroleum based product down your throat .. you're going to have problems. Both physical AND mental." Minority House Leader Harry Reid after Bush's addiction was revealed jokingly responded with,

"Well THAT explains it all HA doesn't it Dub?"

CNN's Anderson Cooper last night kindly explained to those American people incapable of thinking for themselves that during Bush's State of the Union Speech Bush OPENLY admitted to not just himself being addicted to Oil but America itself.

"We at CNN take that as a metaphor, referenced by the President, meant to simply IMPLY that America does has an unhealthy reliance on foreign oil reserves not yet part of the Exxon imperial empire."

MSNBC's Chris Matthews agreed with Cooper going on to further reveal,

"This just in .. inside MSNBC sources embedded within the White House have uncovered evidence that President Bush, leader of the free world is .. a motor-oil-aholic.

"Motor-oil-ism" .. an incredibly rare medical condition similar to alcoholism claims over 96% of all motor-holics each year.

"Mainly because it's poison" doctors say. White House physicians say that President Bush, for some reason is immune to the toxic effects of Quaker State or even Pennzoil for that matter and has been known to take a swig of transmission fluid in rare instances."

"My fellow Americans" Bush told the Grand Ole Opry crowd today, "I come clean with ya, admit that I DO in fact have a drinkin problem. However, I promise that I, your president, with the help of Quaker State, my wife Laura and the fine folks over at the DC mental institution .."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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