On a record setting day where the DC Metro Subway system ran just perfectly, thousands of DC Subway riders are in an uproar over its incredulously precise promptness and lack of any equipment malfunctions. On a December Sunday the subway actually had no malfunctions on any of its escalators or elevators. What is worse, is that all trains not only ran on time but all of the cars of the trains were fully operational.
"This is such an aberration", exclaimed Donny Drive who lived in Silver Spring, Maryland. "Every Sunday I play golf at Haynes Point in DC. It usually takes me a good hour and a half to get home and yet today I got home an hour early. This caused my wife to immediately accuse me of cheating on her. Now she is filing for divorce and what makes it even worse is that she wants custody of all of our Beanie Babies".
"Metro should be more proactive about such things", added Sarah Sinful. "I was pretty sure that I had at least another hour with my next door neighbor and yet here my husband walks in from his trip from the Eastern Market Flea Market. I talked my way out of the situation by telling him that our neighbor was killing a mouse that chased me into the bedroom from the shower. I told him that the neighbor was naked because he did not want me to feel embarrassed".
"This really sucks" said Donny Steal. "How am I supposed to do my Christmas shopping now? Man, every year I just wait on a subway car until somebody reaches in late with a bag of Christmas goodies and has the car shut tight on their hand. Hell, I just grab the bag and that is what everyone gets for Christmas".
Metro Train Operators appeared to be extremely which was indicative by train operator's Larry Sadistic's statement:
"I live to pull up a train with a malfunctioned car just to see everyone run for it and then realize that the car is not working. When they make a mad scurry for a working car, I quickly close the doors. I could not do that at all today. This really sucks".
Metro Spokeswoman, Cindy De-Railed issued the following statement:
"We, at Metro are so sorry about the fact that our system worked flawlessly for a day and we have taken steps to rectify the situation so it will never occur again. We had dispatched teams of maintenance workers with sledge hammer to immediately disable two thirds of our elevators and escalators. We have, also, given discretion to all of our train operators to disable cars at their liking".