PERTH, AUSTRALIA- Reginald "Rush" Darwin, great-great-great grandson of the father of the theory of evolution announces the publication of a revolutionary alternative to both evolution and intelligent design at an introductory signing event touting his destined-to-be-a-bestseller, entitled [bi] Political Creation [/b/i].
The guide to every living thing is a primer making clear what the politically astute have known all along: that every living thing has both a liberal and a conservative component. Without giving away the juicier tidbits of the Earthly expose, a few examples should grow demand to meet the extensive initial printing.
Simple, one-celled organisms, such as the amoeba, represent the most basic illustration. The nucleus, being compact, energy-filled and concentrated is unquestionably conservative. In contrast, the copious liquid protoplasm, the thin, permeable outer boundary are undeniably liberal in their composition.
Higher forms of plant life are somewhat easier to discern. Take the rose. The frilly, attractive, aromatic, fragile petals that look pretty but do little else lean liberal, while the rigid stem and piercing thorns that support and defend most conservatively. Likewise, trees have their political particularities. Leaves, because of their transitory beauty and inability to hold on in rough times are liberal. The roots for their stability and the bark for its solid outer armor are quite conservative in their structure.
Animals exhibit their own obvious distinctions. Just look at a cow. The pointy horns, the hardned hooves and the swishing tail provide conservative survival characteristics, while the thick tongue, the simple brain and the baggy udder lamentably liberal.
It has been said that we humans are what we eat. In that regard, foods have their own ideological ingredients. Corn on the cob, an American favorite, spans the spectrum from left to right. The kernals provide the bulk of conservative nutrition, while the silks, husk and cob are nothing more than liberal nuisances. Steaks follow similarly. The juicy, lean muscle is the tasty conservative part, while the fat and bone are inedible and just get in the way, but you have to pay for them just the same. If that isn't liberal, I don't know what is.
The concept of ‘political creation' is not confined to mere living things. The automobile reigns supreme in this regard. The powerful engine, the solid body and the steering wheel are totally conservative. The insatiable gas tank, squealing tires and stifling exhaust system are liberal liabilities.
The author has high hopes that his magnum opus will be a boon to young and old, rich and poor, liberal and conservative. But, while there will be liberal distribution of the tremendous tome, sales estimates remain conservative.