Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Tuesday, 29 November 2011

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Rex The Wonder Dog

WASHINGTON - He can ride a horse! He can swing from a tree on a vine! He can hold wild animals at bay with a torch. Rex the Wonder Dog can do things even Herman Cain's wife can't do; save Herman from the grasp of a blabber-mouth Ho from Atlanta, Georgia.

Rex is a white German Shepherd who spent his formative years in the U.S. Army's K-9 Corps. Early in his training it became clear that Rex had superdog potential, which resulted in Dr. Anabolus selecting him for a super-serum. After receiving an injection of the serum, Rex found himself endowed with amazing strength, speed and intelligence. Rex served during World War II with his handler, Lt. Dennis, and received a Silver Star for saving POWs.

After his army career, Rex was adopted by then Major Dennis and his family. Not long after moving into his new home, Rex began a new career as a crime solver and private detective. Over the years, as well as solving a never-ending series of burglaries, robberies, murders and other crimes, he survived attacks from lions, wolves, bears, panthers, and even octopi. He could ride a horse and proved to be an expert bullfighter. He was decorated for bravery by the French Foreign Legion, and among other awards, became an honorary Native American Indian Chief.

Occasionally Rex was asked to do strange things by Hollywood producers. Wearing very cool Sam Spade shades, he shadowed unfaithful wives rendevousing with their paramours; once breaking down a door at the Beverly Hills Hilton and performing a timely coitus-interruptous on two secret lovers.

Hired by Herman Cain shortly after Ginger White went public by announcing that she and Herman had allegedly been a hosing and a blowsing for the past 13 years, Rex bounded into Ms. White's kitchen just as she was pounding down a double Jack and coke with her new lover, Ephaseus Zephyr Jones. With both in tow, he called his canine compatriot, CNN's Wolf Blitzer, to interview Ginger and Ephaseus in their respective undies.

Shortly after confirming that Ginger White was an out and out Ho, Rex was placed in the pantheon of Washington's most powerful undercover agents, along with Detective Chimp, Carl Berstein, Bob Woodward and Nancy Pelosi.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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