Written by Gail Farrelly
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Saturday, 26 November 2011

image for President Obama Pardons Turkeys: The Next Chapter
There are turkeys, and then there are turkeys.........

Oh, you thought it was just the "gobble, gobble" kind? Think again!

After he completed the traditional White House pardoning of two turkeys of the animal variety this week, President Obama confided to friends that he was forcing himself to pardon some turkeys of the human variety as well.

First up, Vice-President Joe Biden. According to Obama, "Joe suffers from foot-in-mouth disease, but overall he's one of the good guys." Then there's first lady Michelle. Her husband whined, "I know she's concerned about my health. But still -- I'm annoyed. I'm the leader of the free world and I have to sneak off to get myself a Big Mac? Not very presidential."

Former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel was also pardoned, even though his former boss complained, "The little weasel had the nerve to leave the White house to become mayor of Chicago."

Republican John Boehner, Speaker of the House, made the pardoned list too. As the president pointed out, "He makes my life miserable on an ongoing basis with his political views. But more important, I'm sick of his crying. Can't he put a sock in it?"

Then there's the Presidential barber. Obama indicated, "He routinely gives me a scalping. Gimme a break. Doesn't he know I may end up running against Mitt "The Hair" Romney. How can I compete?"

Finally, Secretary of State and former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton also warranted a presidential pardon, although Obama complained: "She greets me with a smile whenever I see her. But I have the feeling she's silently singing those Irving Berlin lyrics, Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better."

Yes, he's into forgiving. But, at the same time, Obama reminded his listeners of what Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard once said: Nobody forgets where he buried the hatchet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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