Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 23 November 2011

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Shortly after a 21 pound, limburger cheese-stuffed turkey was delivered, still steaming to the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives, a Wisconsin man who was initially identified to the press as "the terrorist", was arrested and is held without bond in federal prison outside of Washington D.C.

Reportedly driven by his displeasure over congresses inability to do, well, just about anything but position themselves for re-election, Wisconsin dairy farmer, Efrem P. Farnswaggle, made the foul fowl offering to congress in protest. "I knew it would smell poorly", says Farnswaggle, "but I never counted on the fumes having such a dramatic effect on them city boys".

Apparently the combination of roasted turkey mixed with burning Limburger cheese in the bottom of the roasting pan was enough to cause several congressional members in good standing, to lurch forward and toss cookies like freshman at a beer pong party. "I was clearly an attempt at chemical/gas warfare", commented recently promoted D.C. desk Sergeant Timmy Wiskerville. "My eyes started to water even before I entered the chambers. I've never smelled anything so horrible".

"I'll admit it was bad", says Farnswaggle, "but nothing like lifting the lid on the manure digester back on the farm, I'll tell you what." D.C. police were not amused, estimating the cost of cleaning up the vomit from the U.S. House at $173,000. "Well, that's just about how I feel anyway", says Farnswaggle. "Them boys talk a lot, and do absolutely nothing. It makes me want to blow chunks myself".

Farnswaggle's admitted that his only intent was to deliver the roasted bird with a note that simply read, "You stink", but things spun out of control. Farnswaggle is expected to be arraigned following the Thanksgiving holiday. The charge: Foul and Cheesy behavior.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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