Washington, DC - Speaker of the House John Boehner said today that owing to the Democrats "continued failure to see things our way" that all future debt reduction negotiations would be outsourced to other countries.
Boehner said he hoped outsourcing the politically sensitive negotiations to other nations or groups less prone to political infighting would prove beneficial, adding that he had organized yet another committee, this time made up of independent Fox News personalities, to study the problem.
"Soon, said the Speaker, "perhaps before the end of the decade, we hope that this Semi-Super committee is able to make a final decision and we will find an appropriate nation or organization crazy enough to take on this task, one that we as the leaders of this great nation just didn't have the balls to do ourselves."
Upon hearing this a spokesman for the original Super-Super Committee suggested that perhaps war lords in Somalia or even rival Mexican drug cartels would find it easier to balance the massive American budget than they were. "God bless them," said the spokesman, "we're all praying that they succeed before the nation goes down the toilet."
In a related story, a lawyer representing a group of trendy Georgetown restaurant and bar owners has filed suite against the members of the Super Committee claiming that they are owed more than $197,000 in unpaid meal and bar tabs in the six months the Super Committee was in existence.
Rep. U. R. Stukk, a member of the Super Committee, laughed when told of the law suit. "We just run up the bills, we don't pay them. Still, suing the government? I wonder if they have ever heard of the saying, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."