Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: California, Green

Saturday, 28 January 2006

image for Mr. Haney Challenges Schwarzenegger in California Governor's Race

"Heck no I'm not dead," Pat Butram (Mr Haney) from Green Acres told reporters. Butram went on to say, "That is an outright lie PERPETRATED by my fine opponent the governor of California, Arnold .. Arnold .. What's that fella's name again? It's not Zifflel is it?"

Mr. Haney (Butram) for years shared the spotlight with a chess playing pig, an air-headed handyman named Eb, an even more air-headed county agent named Hank Kimball and the ultimate air-head herself, Eva Gabor who routinely scrambled eggs without first removing them from the hen.

"Airheads all of them" Butram said in a press conference announcing his gubernatorial candidacy He said,

"A vote for ME is a vote for non-air-headed-ness, honesty, family values and .. what's that other word again Jake?"

Jake Smith, Butram's campaign manager told Butram,

"Integrity Pat. Integrity"

to which Butram added,

"Oh .. right. Integrity. A vote for me is a vote for integrity. AND, non-air-headed-ness."

Butram, as many agree does face an uphill battle overcoming the negative image his "Mr Haney" TV character has shrouded him with over the years. Butram (Haney) said,

"Contrary to what you FINE folks out there in TV-land might believe, I am in fact NOT a shyster OR a con-man. My fine opponent, Arnold MIGHT be a shyster or a con-man, who knows but I promise that I will serve the state of California with both honesty and .. what's that word again Jake?"

"INTEGRITY Pat! Integrity!"

"Integrity" Butram continued.

Governor Schwarzenegger, uncertain about his political future after killing Tookie Williams says that he is honored to share the governor's race with Mr Haney.

"I loved that show, the Green Acres, the one with the pig named after me" Schwarzeneeger told reporters, going on to heap praise upon praise on the TV show saying,

"That episode where ARNOLD deactivated that nuclear BOMB was my favorite. Better than Terminator even. If Arnold had not deactivated the nuclear bomb all of Hootersville would have been blown to bits I tell you!"

Butram, presumably buried in 1994 continues to deny rumors that he is fact deceased and will indeed run against governor Arnold with both honesty and ..

BUTRAM -> What's that word again Jake?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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