Written by b kenneth mcgee
Print this
Topics: Guns

Saturday, 19 November 2011

The GOP Tea Party dominated Congress has just approved legislation to make legal the sales of firearms to preschools and assisted living centers in the US.

Congressman Eric Cantor issued a statement this morning praising the action: "It is time for the most vulnerable in our society to have the same 2nd amendment rights as everyone else in this once great country. The right to bear arms is now universal! For those of you, who would question the safety of this measure, let me say this, we have built-in precautions to insure the safety of all Americans.

"Anyone under the age of six will be given a background check to see if they have any felony convictions in their past. As to the elderly, everyone makes a few mistakes and they have earned this right, just by their advanced age alone, to carry a lethal weapon."

Every GOP House member voted for the measure.

Congresswoman Renee Elders, of North Carolina, rose on the House floor to speak to the issue.

"I am proud to be a co-sponsor of this historic legislation. We do not take lightly in our state, our devotion to the second amendment. Recently, in one of our rural communities, Zebulon, the local police force had to respond to an emergency call when a three-year-old girl was firing her grandfather's automatic weapon at a low- flying Air Force helicopter.

"Even though she belonged to a toddler's militia organization, she should have been better trained so the police would not have had to tase her, her grandmother, and the family parrot that kept squawking, fuck the gubmint, fuck the gubmint.

"On the other hand and looking at the brighter side, it was good practice for everyone. We have the obligation to arm these children as soon as son as they can hold an AK-47 and rant about the federal government. In closing, let me say this…"

Her voice grew solemn and she said softly, "A trigger finger is a terrible thing to waste."

Make b kenneth mcgee's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 1?

5 4 18 9
54 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more