Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Friday, 18 November 2011

image for Natalie Wood Boat Captain Finally Reveals All
Natalie Wood in West Side Story

Friends of the The Captain of the boat that Natalie woods died on have revealed new evidence about the night of her fatal accident.

They have stated that, on the night of the drowning, the captain told his friends he heard shouting and screaming from the deck of the boat. He thought his passengers were having an argument but, when he went to investigate, he saw a giant whale's tale flick Natalie Woods over the side of the boat and into the sea.

He says the thing that killed Natalie Woods was a "Moby-Dick like colossus". He also said he saw a giant squid, and he watched in awe as the two titans fought each other to the death.

Natalie was left uneaten by either the whale or the squid, but the sea captain is said to have watched as the two giant creatures sank beneath the waves.

Unfortunately, by the time the police arrived at the scene, there was no evidence that there had ever been any mythologically large sea creatures near the boat at all. And so... a mystery was born.

Robert Wagner is said to have seen the Whale and the giant squid fight, too, but the sea captain and the actor made a pact to never speak about it ever again. This was because they thought this particular story would sound like some mad made up story that had been concocted to make a murder look like an accident.

But the sea captain says "Its all true, every word. But I'm not long for this earth, and I wanted to honour the old sailors tradition of not taking your Whale Tales to the grave. You have to tell your Whale tales before you go, even if they are a bit mad, so other sailors can learn from them"

Captain Jack's new revelation means that the police will now have to re-open the case. It also means that the case will probably be closed again quite soon because you can't arrest a dead whale for murder... not even in California where they tried to convict Michael Jackson of his own death, even though he was clearly anaesthetised at the time.

More Whale Tales later, as they arise from the gloom of the past. I'm sure this won't be the last one.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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