Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 18 November 2011

image for Herman Cain Tells Gloria Allred He'll Double Her Fee If She Switches Over and Becomes His Lawyer
A photo of downtown Gallup, New Mexico (Photo courtesy of Bristol Palin).

GALLUP, New Mexico - Herman Cain brought his GOP presidential campaign to Gallup, New Mexico, the town noted for being one of only three locations in the continental United States where the famous explorer Ponce De Leon believed the infamous Fountain of Youth could possibly be located.

Cain was asked by reporters how things were going. He grinned and replied not to good and then he rolled his eyes and asked them if they didn't read the newspapers.

One reporter with The Santa Fe Morning Whisperer told him that he needs to leave the jokes and humor to Leno and Letterman and he really should start trying to salvage what morsels he has left of his presidential campaign.

Cain giggled and told him that he agreed. He then told the assembled crowd that he realizes that he has been kind of quick-tempered lately and that he just simply got tired of being asked the same damn questions by the same damn reporters.

Lorenzo Sopapilla with The Santa Fe Morning Whisperer yelled out, "Your mama pizza punk."

Cain smiled and said that he has been called lots of names before but he has never been called a pizza hunk.

"Pizza punk." Sopapilla re-shouted, "I said piz-za punk fella."

Cain grinned and shouted back "Your mama, your grandmama, and your mama-in-law."

"Oh yeah. Well your mama is so ugly she makes seaweed look pretty."

"And yours is so fat, she could be one of the floats in the New Year's Rose Bowl Parade."

Cain looked down at his watch and told the crowd that he really had to go because he was meeting with Gloria Allred about her switching over and becoming his attorney for double the fee that she normally would get.

The former CEO of Godfather's Pizza said that Gloria Allred is one hell of a lawyer and he would love to have the good looking, sexy mama on his team (Team Pizza) defending him.

In other news. Demi Moore was asked why she filed for divorce from her boy-toy husband Ashton Kutcher. Moore grinned and replied that she just got tired of being married to a 16-year-old with hot nuts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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