NEW YORK - Carl Spackler, the golf course maintenance man of Caddyshack fame, was commissioned by New York Mayor Bloomberg to clear out the thousands of Occupy Wall Street varmints who had taken over the space for nearly two months.
Bloomberg said that the nearly two-month-old shantytown in the city's banking center had become a haven for low-life vermin and a safety hazard. The Mayor called the the decision to hire Spackler as "Occupynator" was "mine and mine alone."
Spackler, who gained underground notoriety for his demonic pursuit of a mischevious rodent in the classic golf movie, Caddyshack, used plastic exposives in his unsuccessful attempt to blast his contemptuous adversary to smithereens.
Under the watchful eye of Police Commissioner Ray Kelly, Carl Spackler could barely keep his emotions in check as he viewed the obscene piles of poop, discarded condoms and other flotsam haphardly jettisoned by the scumbags who took over once pristine Zuccotti Park almost two months ago.
With the NYPD leading the way, Spackler set up shop amidst the discarded tents and sleeping bags. "We're going to disenfect the shit out of this place," he said matter-of-factly. As he assiduosly assembled his plastic explosives to set off a delayed chain reaction explosion, his gaze never faltered. Not once did it occur to him, or even matter, that collateral damage from his blasts might send innocent vermin to hell with the guilty.
Those who were linked together by the chains of economic suppression created a daisy-chain effect as they were pinwheeled through the chaotic twilight after one explosion after another deloused them from each other; dreadlocks, pigtails and toupees, all flying under the cover of darkness, hellbent to the grand conclusion of their protest movement.
After the Sanitation workers completed their mop-up operation and Zuccotti Park was once again habitable, a single-minded, middle age man with a backpack emerged from the hedges with a satisfied smile breaking beneath his nose, just up from his lantern jaw.
As the sun was setting, Carl's day was done. Although weary, he was already planning his trip to Oakland.