Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

image for Herman Cain Says If These White Women Keep Accusing Him of Stuff He's Gonna Quit The GOP Presidential Race
Herman Cain's pet dog named "Pepperoni." (Photo courtesy of Michele Bachmann).

CHATTANOOGA - Herman Cain brought his Republican presidential campaign into Chattanooga, Tennessee, the town where Cousin Connie's Confederate-Style Cornbread was first baked back in 1864.

He spoke before a half-cheering crowd of 22 in the parking lot of a local Burger Belle Restaurant.

Cain made it clear from the very beginning that he was there to talk about important campaign issues like 9-9-9, the culinary situation in Greece, and the high price of peaches in Georgia.

Buck Yazoo who was reporting for Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine said that as soon as he finished saying that a voice from the crowd yelled out, "Hey Herman, tell us about "PizzaGate" Gal #4."

Cain shook his head so hard he knocked his silly black cowboy hat off his head and it landed in a puddle of rain water.

The GOP candidate hollered out, "Now dammit, fella, I jus done got through saying dat I wuz not gonna be talkin' bout nuttin but important campaign issues. Tell me now, what part of not duz ya not understand for Pete's sake."

"The yo mama part bro. Dats da part I duz not understand" came the reply.

Cain then started talking about how he wants for everyone to forget about all of this talk from all of these white blonde women who are coming out of the woodwork.

He stressed that they have nothing better to do than to try and knock a highly intelligent, extremely popular, remarkably educated, and handsomely dressed black brutha down to the ground.

Suddenly another voice hollered out, "Hey Cainster how 'bout you kissin my Southern fried chicken wiener and tellin us all about that Sharon Bialek gal."

Cain exploded. "Okay y'all dat's it right there. I swear if folks keep axing me 'bout all dem white blonde females in my past, I am just gonna drop out of da GOP presidential race and go back ta being da extremely over-paid CEO of Godfather's Pizza, and I ain't kiddin ya, I be talkin' da honest-ta-goodness troot ya hear?"

"Herman, so when can we expect to hear from "PizzaGate" Gal #5?"

Herman Cain took his rain soaked black cowboy hat and stomped on it like he was an Italian vineyard worker back in Naples, Italy stomping on some grapes.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.



Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.




Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 5?

9 24 8 15
73 readers are online right now!

Go to top