WASHINGTON, D.C.--At a press conference on Monday, Sharon Bialek relayed a detailed account of how Herman Cain made sexual advances toward her in a hotel in 1997. The Cain Campaign has, however, unearthed in its mind such a troubling past for Bialek that it's virtually impossible that Cain could've groped her.
In a news release, Cain's representatives reference civil lawsuits, bankruptcy filings, a paternity claim, and a inconsistent work record as reasons why Cain wouldn't have touched Bialek with a 10-foot pole.
"Guys are not turned on by women with financial troubles," said a Cain staffer, who wished to remain anonymous, at least until he/she can spin the story into a 6-figure story. "They like women who have money, don't try to make them adopt their kids, and can keep a job."
People in Cain's corner are also taking issue with Bialek's account. "She said he put his hand up her skirt and pushed her head toward his crotch. How does that even work?
"Maybe if they were playing Twister, but otherwise I can't wrap my head around that image."