Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 4 November 2011

image for Sarah Palin Tells Herman Cain To Hang In There Cause It'll Get Lots Worse
Sarah Palin on her way to check her mailbox. (Photo by Piper Palin).

WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin recently confided some personal observations to one of her neighbors, but not the one next door, Jebediah McGillicuddy, who wrote the exposé book on her that sunk the hell out of her political fishing boat.

According to the other neighbor the former governor, and failed 2008 vice-presidential GOP nominee, stated that once the media sharks taste blood the feeding frenzy begins and people will start coming out of the past like Oprah Winfrey's thousands of long lost relatives did and are still doing.

The neighbor did not want her name revealed but in the interest of The Senator Harpy Cluckensteen Free Information Disclosure Act of 1955 her name is Bernice Bertha Bumbyseed, 47.

Ms. Bumbyseed said that "Snow Plow" as Sarah is known in Wasilla, actually texted Herman Cain and told him to get ready and grow some big ones and to hang in there because it is only going to get much worse.

Palin told Bumbyseed that she really and truly thought that all of the skeletons in her and Todd's closet were going to stay there.

But then old Jebediah McGillicuddy moved in next door to her and Todd and the little Palin heathens (as Sarah calls them) and he started poking around here and there and before long he had ended up with lots and lots of personal information that should never have seen the light of day and in Alaska the days can be 24 hours long.

Sarah remarked that who really cares that she has a pair of size 8 purple and green panties that were given to her by Rush Limbaugh and which she only wore whenever she appeared on The Sean Hannity Show and The Bill O'Reilly Show as a sign of GOP solidarity.

She also noted that she keeps a pair of bronzed caribou balls on her kitchen counter next to the bowl of plastic fruit to remind her of just how much she really loves to go hunting dressed up like a guy in camouflage clothes including her lucky obligatory camouflaged jock strap which was a birthday present from her husband Todd nine years ago.

"Snow Plow" flashed that pit bull smile of hers and said that she has seen Herman Cain talking about "PizzaGate" on CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Telemundo and on the Weather Channel.

And Levi Johnston's ex-future mother-in-law remarked that she hates to say it but that with each denial the brutha is looking more and more guilty as hell.

Palin noted that it has been her experience that anytime someone says that they do not want to talk about something it is only because they do not want to have to explain things that they did that they know that they should not have done in the first place to begin with.

Sarah Palin was recently asked by GOPicky Magazine what she misses the most about not being out on the campaign trail. She smiled, got a little teary eyes and replied, "Ya know, I really kinda miss not saying 'you betcha,' 'gosh darnit,' and 'golly gee willikers' two dozen times a day."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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