Written by Winston Smith
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Topics: Herman Cain

Thursday, 3 November 2011

image for Herman Cain Caught Trying To Get A Piece
Cain Caught Trying To Get A Piece

Republican presidential primary candidate Herman Cain has been broadsided with accusations of, and covering up, sexual harassment.

The former pizza magnate has now had a fifth accuser come forward with allegations that she was sexually harassed on the pizza assembly line. Bonnie Calzones has released a statement through her attorney, Wan Callthatsall, accusing Herman Cain of sexual harassment while he helped out an under staffed pizza shop.

"Mister Cain asked me to call him Hermie and fondled my buttocks and breasts while I attempted to roll out the dough. He then asked me if I would like to go back to his crib and play with and hide his pepperoni."

"I told him that he was making me uncomfortable and he told me that I should just take my clothes off so that I would feel better. He told me that he was dreaming of putting his pepperoni between my big calzones. That was the final straw. I threatened to cut his pepperoni into little pieces and put it on a pizza. He left me alone and started harassing the delivery-boy."

It is uncertain as to whether or not the Cain presidential pizza campaign will survive the brick oven of media scrutiny.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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