Written by Bobby Bou
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Topics: Halloween

Sunday, 6 November 2011

With Halloween less than 24 hours away, the citizens of Detroit are anxiously awaiting what will be the biggest party of the year, Devils Night. Tomorrow evening, residents of the city will take to the streets and set fire to anything and everything they see, and in doing so creating a festive glow so incredible that can actually be seen from space. This years event has been in the planning since last November and this years celebration is slated to be bigger and better than any other.

Detroit Mayor David Bing will be downtown tomorrow afternoon and will begin the festivities with the very popular Torching of City Hall. There will also be free classes available such as Cocktail Bomb Construction and How To make Incendiary Devices From Household Items. There will be a showing of Worlds Best Arson's on a 50 screen outside town hall and the ever popular Destroy It All dancers will perform.

Detroit Mayor David Bing hopes that the city can reach the goal of 600 arsons on Devils Night. "If we can achieve this goal it proves that the people of Detroit can work together and accomplish anything they set their minds to."

"Our people have been preparing for Devils Night 2011 since last year," said the Mayor. "There will be lot more events this year than in the past and the weather is looking good. There's no rain in sight. We have set a goal of 600 arsons and we are going to need all the help we can get to reach that goal so I'm asking folks come on out on Monday night and help us burn Detroit to the ground!"

Most local businesses will be shut closed and chained in but a few will remain open.

"It's going to a busy night," said James Verona, owner of Hellfire Pub. "This year were doing a Johnny Cash Ring of Fire karaoke contest. We're also doing gas-can relay races out back and we'll have half-priced flaming shots all night. This is our busiest week of the year and so far things are looking great."

City officials said that liquor stores and bars will be allowed to stay open all night to accommodate revelers and will allow public drinking until Tuesday. Schools, banks and all city government offices will also be closed on Monday in order to give participants time to prepare for the evenings pyrotechnic displays. The water supply to fire hydrants will be cut and fire-crews will be under-staffed for the event.

Jesse Chen checks the quality of his home-made alcohol which be used for drinking and for setting fires on Devils Night.

Long time Detroit resident Jesse Chen,54 has been preparing all week for the holiday.

"We have people coming from out of town for the party. We are going to barbecue, crank up some heavy metal and get wasted and when it gets dark,we are burning this whole filthy town down!" said the enthusiastic arsonist.

Detroit Police Chief said that he wants participants and spectators to have a good time but reminds them to do it safely. He suggested that party goers should shoot hands guns at houses or cars but never up in the air as somebody could get hit on the head by a falling bullet. He also suggested that they stock up on gasoline, propane, and diesel fuel before supplies run out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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