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Thursday, 27 October 2011

image for Tasmanian Termite Placed on the Endangered Species List

Washington DC: The US Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS) has placed the Tasmanian termite on the endangered species list (ESL). These little buggers have illegally emigrated from Australia.

Tasmanian termites, which are quite rare, are known as the chameleon termite. Tasmanian termites have a blue color, which makes them easy to spot. However, when in a group situation they appear like all the other termites (white ants) in a colony.

Fearing a lawsuit by rabid environmental groups for failing to protect the Tasmanian termite the USFWS bureaucrats added a rule to protect all termites from pesticides, even though termites cause $2 billion in damages each year. Enforcement of the no termite pesticides rule will be under the direction of Elliot Arachnid and his 200,000 federal agents, known as the Unsprayables.

The American people did not take kindly to the new rule and reacted, as they did to the Volstead act (prohibition of alcohol) in the 1920s. Homeowner speakeasy parties sprung up, where bathtub insecticide was made and used to wipe out the little buggers. "Bugsy sent me" became a familiar entry password.

Insecticide runners from Canada and Mexico cannot smuggle their illicit pesticides into the US fast enough to satisfy demand causing an increase in local production. Mr. Al Chlordane has become the head of the bootleg pesticide business, defying Mr. Arachnid and his pesticide police.

Termite eradication companies, slowly going bankrupt, have launched numerous law suits against the USFWS to repeal the no pesticide rule. PETA defends the USFWS action and their lawyers are representing the termites.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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