MINNESOTA - Pundits are calling this the most unexpected political narrative in an already failing presidential hopeful campaign. The GOP contender, Michele Bachmann has been called many names, she's been put on people's 'I wish she wore a witch hat' list, but never before in contemporary U.S. politics has any presidential hopeful been overtaken as fast and hard as Michele Bachmann.
Investigators have been scurrying trying to find the provocateurs, perpetrators, and vegans who thwarted Bachmann's presidential bid. Insiders, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told us that Bachmann was Gadhafi surprised when an army of women busted through her office doors wearing Scream masks while smoking Cohiba cigars.
One eyewitness described the event as 'the strangest combination of coup' she has ever heard of. The same eyewitness is an Occupy Wall St. activist and was excited applying the same level of terror to bankers that these army women did to Bachmann.
We reached Bachmann for comment as she was removing the lipstick from her forehead with the letters S.O.S. and said, "Never in the history of my political career has this ever happened to me. Cleary this was a premeditated scheme devised to do one thing, namely, prohibit Michele Bachmann from becoming someone's Vice President. It has the look, taste, smell, and fingerprints of none other than Sarah Palin.
When we asked her whether she thinks the New Hampshire campaign team calling it quits was Palin inspired and whether or not she thought she was woman enough to beat Sarah Palin in an ultimate fighting event she looked at us with eye-popping eyes and told us to 'go to hell!'
The Palin PR team, which consists of Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig, have chosen not to comment on the allegations because none of them could understand the definition of coup. But Palin's husband Todd did say, "I told you before and I will tell you again, don't underestimate the Palin Spring. Who knows? Ron Paul looks like a vulnerable enough guy." When we asked what he thought about staging a coup against Rick Perry he said, "That guys knows how to shoot guns."
Nevertheless, unfortunately for Bachmann, authorities have no intention on picking up the case because they think it's too funny to be true.