FROM THE WHITE HOUSE: White House spokesman, Jay Carney, confirmed this morning that a NATO drone based at Offutt Air Base in Omaha, Nebraska, completed its intended mission by gunning down Isadore "Izzy" Grundfield as he entered his hog barn on a farm outside Council Bluffs, Iowa. Also killed was Grundfield's prize brooder sow, Emma, who tried unsuccessfully to shelter Izzy from the rocket attack.
Carney explained that Mr. Grundfield had been on the President Obama's "Kill List" since last September when at a Tea Party meeting in Council Bluffs he allegedly called Obama a "dumb f..k." This is disputed, however, by other Tea Party members who said that Izzy called Obama a "dumb cluck."
Etymologically speaking, the term "dumb cluck" is an expression used by farmers to describe someone who has the brains of a chicken. Although not entirely complimentary, it falls far short of "dumb f..k" in the hierarchy of derogatory terms one might call the President.
However, the thin-skinned, trigger happy Obama did not accept this explanation and secretly demanded NATO use its resources to take Grundfield out.
Interestingly, President Obama disavows any connection to this assasination, because, as Jay Carney told members of the press, the United States provides only 60% of the manpower and money for NATO, even though an American heads the organization.
Funeral services for Isadore Grundfield and Emma will be conducted next Tuesday at a site near the hog barn. Sarah Palin will give the eulogy for Izzy and Emma, who will be buried alongside each other as they died.
May they rest in peace.