Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 30 October 2011

image for Ron Paul Says That He Will Neither Admit Nor Deny The Romantic Rumors About Him and Michele Bachmann
Michele Bachmann's infamous green Volkswagen Beetle which she has recently sold. (Photo by Ron Paul).

GREEN RIVER, Wyoming - Ron Paul has said that he will stay in the GOP presidential race no matter how many salacious rumors about him people choose to make up.

The 76-year-old from Texas says that in regards to rumors that he has pretty much heard it all from the rumor that he likes to dress up as Carmen Miranda on the weekends to the rumor that he likes to bake cookies that resemble GOP maven Ann Coulter's belly button (an outie).

Paul recently visited with Sinclair Petaluma of Political Salad Magazine at a senior citizens discount gasoline station in Green River, Wyoming where The Old Geezer Geritol Bus Tour had stopped for a campaign gathering.

Mr. Petaluma asked Paul if he really believes that he has a chance to be chosen as the GOP candidate to go up against President Obama.

Paul smiled, took a bite out of his lemon jello fruit cup and asked, "Do horses have gigantic wiggle widgets?"

"Wiggle widgets?" Asked a puzzled Petaluma.

"Yeah Petster, you know diddly dipper's, bibbidy boo's, ding dong's."

"Oh you mean dicks?" The reporter asked.

"Bingo dude. Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner!"

Petaluma shook his head and asked Paul why he just couldn't have answered the question with a friggin "Yes."

The reporter told Paul that he wanted to address the rumor that surfaced the evening of the last GOP presidential candidate debate which was held in Las Vegas.

Ron got a big old grin on his face. He told Petaluma that he was going to ask him if the rumors about him and Michele Bachmann parking in an empty lot in her green Volkswagen Beetle and making out were true or not.

Petaluma smiled and said that he had taken the question right out of his mouth.

Ron took another bite out of his lemon jello fruit cup, smiled, and remarked, "Petaluma, I am going to tell you like I told Anderson Cooper, Candy Crowley, and Barbara Walters, "I have never been one to kiss and tell so having said that I will neither admit nor deny that Michele Bachmann and I kissed up a storm while parked in her green Volkswagen Beetle."

In a non-related story. The Yearly Kalamazoo (Michigan) Hot Dog Eating Contest has been cancelled due to the unfortunate and unforeseen 'Secret Ingredients in The Wieners Scandal.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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