Written by Alvin Taveras
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Wednesday, 19 October 2011

image for Blagojevich threatens to boycott commissary if sent to jail

CHICAGO - The former governor of Illinois who was convicted on attempts to sell Barack Obama's senate seat among other corruption charges has a new line of threats for the powers that he used to be.

"Don't think I will actually use the money I got from bribes to purchase food from the commissary. I worked harder for my money than Donald Trump losing his money," says Rod Blagojevich.

One possible reason for Blagojevich's off the cuff antics is the reality of the soon to come penitentiary time is finally settling in. Television psychologist Dr. Drew suggested that people who lose power over people because of corruption characteristically tend to have temper tantrums frequently up till their first day at prison. Lindsay Lohan was cited as exhibit A.

Another reason for the off the cuff comments could not be found since Blagojevich's loquacious nature consequentially makes him explicit in every reason.

However, even Mr. Monopoly chimed in and told the former governor no one goes to jail unless his dices send him there. He advised him to play the new monopoly game called penitentiary monopoly because it will teach him how to pass go without ending up in solitary confinement.

Until then, the self-professed 'C' student has had his hands tied with fending off a state agency that is working towards suspending Blagojevich's law license. The former governor seeks to convince the court by bribing the judge via Paypal rather than under the table.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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