Washington D.C., 13 January 2006 - Washington released a bold new strategy to help save the Social Security system in America today. The plan, considered to be brilliant and progressive by proponents, lays out a multi-layered approach that enlists the assistance from multiple governmental departments.
"The problem that's developed in our Social Security retirement program really boils down to simple mathematics. The ratio of people paying into the system to people drawing from Social Security is way out of whack…. We have to change that ratio" says Rupert Goldstein, spokesman for the Social Security Administration. "We can't do much in terms of increasing the number of people paying into the system, so we've been focusing on reducing the number of people drawing from it".
The bold new strategy will rely on the help of other governmental agencies such as the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), the Department Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms (ATF), the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), the Department of Justice (DOJ), and many others.
"For many decades now, we've noticed a trend in the government that seems to focus on safety, health, and basic protections aimed at prolonging human life. The problem is, too many people are living to a ripe old age and end up drawing on our resources far too long after they've stopped being productive. We've got to reverse this trend if we hope to save our Social Security system" Goldstein explains.
Chipper Birchwood of the Environmental Protection Agency talked about his agencies role in the new strategy. "We spent so many years trying to clean up the environment, making the air safer to breathe, the water safe to drink, we had never considered the lasting impact it would have on retirement…We're ready start work on reversing some of the destructive practices we've engaged in during the past".
William Harris, spokesman for the Occupational Health and Safety Administration offered an official apology to the nation for his agencies years of forcing corporations to make their work places more safe and accident free. "When we took a hard look at the total cost absorbed by companies because of our rules and regulations regarding safety, we were simply appalled. We now realize that for every aging worker sent up a telephone pole to do repairs without safety belts and tethers, that's possibly one less person who will be drawing from Social Security and whatever retirement fund their company provides."
Goldstein spoke at length about how each agency can and will be changing the way they do business in ways that will help reduce the number of people who would otherwise reach the age of retirement and begin drawing from social security. The FDA will loosen the requirements for new drugs and foods to be introduced into the market, being less judgmental about potentially unsafe items. The ATF will discontinue tracking the sales of automatic weapons, instead, focusing on prosecution on ammunition manufacturers who put less gun powder in the rounds they produce than what they advertise. The DEA will be disbanded altogether.
"We American's have been obsessed with making things safer and trying to rid our lives of things considered hazardous or harmful. Children's toy makers are so safety conscious that the toys they make are boring. We've outlawed three wheeled recreation motorcycles, we've forced MacDonald's to turn the temperature down to a dull lukewarm on their coffee pots, we even force people to wear seatbelts just to drive up to the corner store…. Nobody even likes all these rules and laws, and they all hurt our Social Security system in the long run" Goldstein proclaimed.