Written by Winston Smith
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 16 October 2011

(Washington,DC) - A U.S. House committee Thursday approved a bill linking taxpayer contributions to the Treasury to significant financial, regulatory and other reforms, one day after presidential candidate Ron Paul said he would sign the measure if it reaches his desk after he is elected president.

Deeply divided and inebriated along party lines, whiskey on right and vodka on left, the House Domestic Relations Committee voted 23-15 for the Government Transparency, Accountability, and Reform Act (H.R. 2829), which aims to force the Federal Government to change its funding mechanism from the current system of "assessed and withheld" contributions to entirely voluntary ones. It would also amend the Constitution to prohibit the Treasury borrowing even a stick of butter or a cup of milk.

Proponents say this would allow the citizens to fund only those activities and agencies they regard as being absolutely necessary, efficiently managed, and in the national interest.

In order to compel the Federal Government to become accountable to the taxpayers, the legislation would immediately stop the assessing and withholding of all taxes. It would also open mail boxes at the UPS store for all of the federal departments and agencies to receive the donations from citizens.

American taxpayers account for 40 percent of the Government's regular operating budget. The remaining 60 percent has been borrowed on the open market.

Conservatives critical of the Federal Government have long advocated the citizens using their leverage, as a major funder, to push the bloated bureaucracy to reform - and to weaken efforts by Statists to make the Leviathan bigger.

The bill's author, committee chair Rep. Hyena Lightning (R-Fla.), winked as she told her colleagues at Thursday's markup hearing that the U.S. budget continues to climb.

"What are we paying for?" wink wink she asked, then cited the repressive regimes' healthcare overhaul, a continuing anti-freedom bias, the elevation of bureaucrats to god-like status as in North Korea and Iran, and corruption scandals."

"Why do we bear the financial burden for this?" she continued. "Every year the Treasury borrows and the Federal Reserve monetizes. Then they pass the costs on to citizens in the form of monetary inflation which is assessed a whopping 2000 percent since the FED was created in 1913."

"In contrast, Counterfeiters using the good copy-machines at Kinko's inflate just three percent. We need a game-changer."

And what began as an effort to pull the Tea Party's chain quickly morphed into a real legislative effort due to all of the alcohol consumption.

The committee's top Democrat, Rep. Gechur Beerhear, said the "real agenda" behind the bill was to tease the Tea Party with change they can believe in, but then fail to vote it out of committee and deal a fatal morale busting blow to the citizen body."

He argued that the consumption of liquor caused things to get out of hand in the committee and that there was no real evidence of support for the bill that will eliminate the assessment and withholding of taxes.

"Previous attempts at shrinking the size and role of government did not lead to any significant and lasting reforms - they only succeeded in fooling our constituents, and undermining their efforts to promote transparency, fiscal responsibility and good management practices in the U.S. system. But they did get us re-elected," Beerhear told the committee.

Make Winston Smith's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 1?

3 20 1 4

Go to top