BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL: Women tired of panting TSA agents groping their private parts have taken to having their boobs de-augmented in an effort to regain control of their bodies.
In the past decade it has been estimated that more than 20 million women have had plastic surgery to enhance their running lights. That is roughly 20 million boobs, give or take a nipple or two. Although it appears that the same woman, who has little problem trusting a perfect stranger (the plastic surgeon) to perform this very personal operation, ostensibly because he is a professional, screams like a Banshee rag-picker if a professional TSA agent puts his paws on her puppies to possibly save her life and her fellow passengers.
Ironically, in this age where big is better, the current vogue in the fashion industry is to using emaciated waifs to model clothing. It seems that clap-board breasts are in and boobs are going the way of the dinosaur.
Now, after having been trained to perform this delicate operation on gals with Wonder Woman rockets, these TSA agents are fumbling around like frustrated high-school freshman on their first date.
"It just ain't fair," a disappointed Anthony "Big Hands" Scarpello said. "I'm thinking like this ain't worth the trouble. Nobody can hide a bomb in those boobs."