Written by UWGB-Beek
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Topics: Jesus

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Jesus is reducing his sales tax on getting to heaven to one percent, but this is only for the poor people of the world, this is drastically down from the record high 10% seen for two centuries.

"I see may tax was causing more poor people to suffer, and it isn't fair that they pay a greater share to get into heaven. I am a nice guy, or so the Bible says. In addition, this nice guy is going to do his best to make sure the poor people in My churches can afford basic things. The poor need good pastors and good pastors that make more money than they do will now have to ask the rich to pay a whopping 15% sales tax.

"What about nice buildings? Sure any place would do, but I like nice buildings with expensive windows that highlight all the great things about my life on earth, and that is where rich people should have to pay more for these nice buildings.

"And don't forget that all important wine and unleavened bread-that stuff isn't cheap. But I think my followers will just need to cut it out of the service. I can give them forgiveness by them just asking me to forgive them. They don't need bread and wine, when they have those statues of me watching them and making them feel guilty about my death on the cross. So now My followers can get eternal salvation by just believing in Me. " Jesus said on his Facebook page.

Some fans weren't surprised by Jesus' announcement.

"I think it is about time Jesus sees that the poor are paying way too much when it comes to supporting the churches of the world. It isn't fair that they continue to suffer because someday they might go to heaven because they paid 10% sales taxes." Jerry Van Stead told reporters gather outside is small Unitarian church in Washington D.C.

A few rich people in Jerry's congregation called it class warfare at its best.

"I don't know why Jesus thinks that the poor shouldn't pay their fair share to get into heaven. It ins't bad enough that they get all the blessings, but now Jesus is asking us to pay our fair share, well, I think I will take my money someplace else, maybe overseas, yeah, I will hide it overseas." Roger Willis III told reporters.

Jesus did issue a follow up statement on Facebook about the new plan. "This plan in the long run will create a bigger demand for people to follow me because they will see I am fair and just. The rich have had it way to easy in My churches."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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