Washington, DC U.S. President Obama has requested that NATO and the United Nations establish a no-fly zone over the United States to protect protesters from his fleet of drones that carry Hellfire missiles.
"In light of my recent drunken assassination of two Arab-American citizens overseas, I feel it is my, uh, duty to, uh, try to protect the rest of you while I, uh, am, uh, sober."
"I had a few too many cold ones before my, uh, handlers told me that they had a couple bad citizens in the drone sights. I said,"Get em'" but what I meant was, uh, um, another six pack. I am worried that the protesters may, uh, make my handlers mad enough to place my drunken finger on the, um, button again. So please make America a no-fly zone."
"And Latoria, and Victoria, and Sophia, and Kimber you girls can still dress up. This aint bout you."
With that the president concluded his remarks and kissed his teleprompters goodnight.