Written by Turd Ferguson
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Topics: Monkey, Prayer, head

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Biloxi, MI - In a shocking exhibition of the power of prayer, a decapitated rhesus monkey has miraculously healed completely following a group prayer service. The announcement came during a press conference Monday, October 3rd, 2011 by group of Christian scientists from Biloxi, Mississippi (not to be confused with the Christian Science Church, these were just a group of scientists who happened to be Christian).

The self-proclaimed leader of the underground group, Billy Joe Throgmorten, announced to small gathering of local press, "We were tired of hearing atheists claim that prayer doesn't work, when we know that it does!" The dozen or so of his associates exclaimed "Amen!" as he continued.

"Sites on the Interweb like whywontgodhealamputees.com think they are so smart. They say that prayers only seem to come true because people only pray for things that might also come about by chance. They say that's why nobody ever prays for an amputated limb to grow back. Well, we decided to take that challenge, and up it a notch!"

Throgmorten explained that a member of their church group had an old rhesus monkey that they didn't want anymore. "So, we figured the risk was small if this didn't work. But, hey! If it did work, we'd have proof for all of the heathens out there! So, we drew straws to see who'd have to chop off the monkey's head and, well, old Manfred Potts won. I don't want to get into the details of it, but let's just say that he didn't get it right on the first swing. Or the second. But, eventually, he got the head off the neck and, after the body quit twitching, we started praying."

Throgmorten described how the group continued to pray for the monkey's head to grow back to the neck and, much to their own surprise, after only 20 minutes of praying, the head slid across the chopping block and rejoined the monkey's body, and the monkey sat up and looked around, completely healed.

"To say that we were amazed would be an understatement!", Throgmorten continued. "I mean, we believe in the power of prayer and all, but... c'mon! None of us really expected this to happen. It just proves what a loving God we have that He'd let us chop this little monkey's head right off to allow Him to demonstrate his power like that. Amen!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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