Written by Vivek Sharma
Print this
Topics: botox

Sunday, 2 October 2011

Jocelyn Wildestein, the woman famous for spending tens of thousands of dollars on facelift cosmetic surgery and Botox enhancements is being sued by her repressed emotions.

In a statement released earlier today top prosecuting attorney Mike 'you're going down' Ovitz said "The collected emotions of Jocelyn Wildestein have come to the conclusion that after years of neglect and being slowly eroded away, until they have become not only useless in their expression but utterly pointless to Wildestein's make up, that they will sue in breach of contract of rightful and necessary facial expression."

Happiness, one of the disaffected emotions said: "Before Joce would laugh out aloud, her eyes would crinkle up in joy, her ruby red lips open up and a smile would spread across her face from ear to ear. There were happy lines everywhere. Now there is nothing. Everything stays the same. No movement. No creasing. No crinkling. Just a muffled guffaw and a slight pursing of the lips. And that's when she's truly ecstatic! The happy lines are gone forever."

Anger also barged in with his opinion "On behalf of fear, envy, greed, jealousy and all the other negative emotions I wanna say we're real pissed. But there's no way of expressing it. Which pisses us off even more! Jocelyn use to frown, grimace, jaw grind, splutter and spurt some of the most beautiful expletives, her face contorted in incandescent rage. Now all we get is a muffled grunt and a slight pursing of the lips."

Psychologist Jeff Head of Emotion Watch, a humanitarian group dedicated to fighting for the rights of disaffected and repressed emotions said, "These guys( Jocelyn's emotions) have had enough subterfuge to last two lifetimes. She's gradually eradicated all forms of emotive expression in the last five years. There's no more facial expression left in her. She is now nothing but a porcelain smooth, wrinkle free, blank wall."

The business world was more optimistic in its appraisal. Economist Jay Buller at Merril Lynch who has been monitoring Jocelyn's cosmetic surgery added "She's got so much silicone and other exotic materials inside her that she's doubled in value in the last year alone. Long term growth looks good providing she wins the case."

Jocelyn Wildestein aims to go to trial in November looking her best. She's already had another breast enhancement, to add to two previous operations and is currently doing her third nose remodeling plus the monthly Botox boost. "By the time I've finished I will have removed every single line and wrinkle from my perfect face, darling" Jocelyn said in a light almost happy tone, although myself and the photographer could not tell from looking at her. She added in a more sterner tone "It's my face and they are my emotions. I can do whatever I please with them" Now she was getting real heated, although looking at her we still could not tell "And with this Court case I am gonna bury those little bastards for good." She banged her fists down hard on the table. And almost pulled a slight grimace. But we're not really sure.

The last word goes to the repressed emotions who declared that they will sue for so much money that Jocelyn will never be able to afford cosmetic enhancement ever again. Anger declared "We ain't gonna give up till she gives in and shows some empathy. Because he's completely lost on her. Poor old Empathy has been out in the wilderness for decades. Either that or collectively we're gonna cause some major emotional trauma and get her sectioned to the looney bin where we will be free to express ourselves all day long. Providing the sedatives aren't too strong."

The fight is on. An obscenely rich woman enhanced by silicone, skin grafts, a deadly toxin and a cosmetically inflated ego against the full range of human emotive capacity. Sad as it may sound but in today's world that means it's anyone's game.

Make Vivek Sharma's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 2?

1 25 23 10
59 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more