Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Driving, California

Saturday, 7 January 2006

image for California suspends Stevie Wonder's Drivers License

LAPD Officer Shaun Watson told reporters, "The reason I pulled him over is because he was driving the wrong way down a one way street. On the sidewalk. With his blinkers, headlights and windshield wiper on." Stevie Wonder denies that he had his windshield wiper on but does admit that he MAY have made a wrong turn inside Starbucks.

California, criticized for allowing legally blind people to drive defends it's policy saying,

"Everyone we issue a license must pass a rigid driving test."

That "test" itself is being criticized by the Department of Transportation. One federal official pointed out that California's rigid "driving test" consists of

#1 - Being able to twist the key to start the engine

and

# 2 - See #1

Stevie Wonder, attempting to retain his driving privileges told the judge,

"I know don't see very well but I FEEL the highway baby .. I FEEL the vibes around me so I'm able to avoid all obstacles around me kind of like Luke Skywalker baby."

One man who once rode with Wonder, still under mild sedation after 19 years told reporters,

"AHHHHH ! YAAAAAA ! NOOOOOOO ! TURN STEVIE TURN AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!"

When asked why they allow visually impaired people to drive one California official said,

"The freeways around here are so congested that nobody ever gets above 10 mph anyway so serious accidents are very rare. Besides, blind people do try harder."

California law says that a person can get their license back after 6 months if they can again successfully pass their rigid driving test which was recently upgraded to include

#3 - Honking the horn

and

#4 - Coming to a complete stop without the aid of a brick wall.

Wonder says he's looking forward to hitting the road again. He told reporters,

"I've been practicing baby. Practicing on my Xbox. So far I've killed only 5 civilians but the force is getting strong with me baby."

One California Highway Patrol Officer himself blind since birth says he'll be on the lookout for Stevie Wonder.

Surprisingly statistics do show that most blind California drivers make it from point A to point B safely. When they're not the ones doing the driving..

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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